Being Married: Month 1 Review
Soo, yeah… As the title might have let you know, I have been married for a MONTH! This was a whole new experience. I know you're probably thinking, “Well, Duh… You’re married, and you weren’t before.” Well we’ve been together since 2012. Let me just say that seven years of dating and 16 years of knowing each other, was not enough time to see it all. There is one factor that I believe affected how this month went; Ameer and I didn't live together until we got now.
Marriage has some marvelous ups, but I would be lying if I said that it is all "Happily ever after" after the wedding. Nothing I share in this review is to convince you to get married or you shouldn't get married, because everyone is different. I will say that I never wanted to be married, but now I am overall happy with my decision. My one advice will be if you don't want to give marriage a try, make sure it is because of your own experience with life, not what you have seen or learned from others. My parent's relationship is what kept me in fear of marriage for the longest time, so don't be like me. Make sure your choices are based on your story not anyone else’s. Everyone is different and their story isn’t yours.
What would you like the good news or bad news first? I prefer my bad news first. I just want to get the bad stuff over with and chase it with the sweeter things. So here’s the list:
You have to share every space and everything with someone else. Let's be honest, sometimes I want to be able to shower without sucking in to look skinnier when he walks in to brush his teeth. HAHA. Look I love myself, and Ameer loves me the way I am, but I feel maybe this is about how I want him to always walk out thinking he has the hottest wife.
Then when you have that treat that you have been saving in the back of the fridge that you're looking forward to after work, and you come home, and it's gone? You can't get mad! He's your husband. That fridge is his too and unless you specify, "DO NOT EAT THIS," he is not in the wrong.
Decision making is a whole new thing. You always have to remember that it is not just you anymore. If I want to move my dishes from one side of the cabinet to another and he thinks it's better to keep them where they are, we have to find a middle ground. I think having two different mentalities is excellent for problem-solving. The thing with Ameer and I is that we have our own opinions, and we are pretty good at standing by what we believe in, so a compromise has been a significant shift, and it is not easy.
3. The Struggle to not Lose Yourself
This is a personal low. This all goes back to what I saw at home and the fears I had before marriage. I think it is just the stress of making sure that when I am compromising, I am not losing who I am. This causes friction because of my irrational fears. I know who I married. He lets me be an individual, he just wants to make sure that we find a middle ground with the things we don't agree on. I'm still working on this low. Expressing to my partner my boundaries and establishing what elements define me and what I can't give up is critical.
Having to let someone share a bank account with you and to know that you have to discuss everything that comes from it is indeed harder than it sounds. When you spend money from your own account, it is easy, no thought process just, “Do I have the money for this?” “Yes.” Then Swipe. Well not anymore. You have to make sure you’re both comfortable with the spending habits that affect your joint account.This is mostly just about getting used to.
5. Loving Someone Unconditionally
So this is a definite good thing in the receiving end, but when you’re having to pour into someone on a day that you don’t feel like loving anyone, it is hard. Sometime you have to push yourself to be intentional about your love.
Example: I am working on the computer and Ameer walks up to me and asked me to untie his shoes. Now my first thought is, “Can’t you see I am busy? Do it yourself!” I know Ameer isn’t flexible and sometimes it’s hard for him to touch his toes let along take of his boots off. I have to take a step back and intentionally show him I love him by not complaining and just helping him out, because I love him regardless of how annoying he might be at the moment.
1. Every Night Is a SLEEPOVER
This is probably my ultimate favorite. I love Ameer. He is my best friend, and I get to have a sleepover every single day! If I want to watch movies with Ameer and eat ice cream all night long, I can. If I want to stay up talking to him, I can. When I have a nightmare and I wake up scared, he can always hold me until I fall asleep. I don't think anything can top this high for me.
2. True Commitment
I know that we have been in a relationship for a long time. I knew we were exclusive. I knew I didn't want anyone else, but something inside me would not let me drop my guard all the way. The day we said our vows, I felt my last wall drop. I cannot even explain the freedom I felt from the commitment we made, but it was a phenomenal feeling. The only thing that kept playing in my head was that Ameer decided to spend his life with me. We took this step before God and our closest family and friends. He made a move that none of his closest friends had done. He didn't do it because it was trendy or cool, he did it because he loves me that much. This meant the world, and I honestly didn't think that I would feel the difference, but I did.
3. Half the Chores
This is great for those busy couples. We both work, coming home after a long day to chores is hard, but now you get someone to split the responsibility with. Score!
4. Split Decisions
Adulting is also hard. To be honest half the time I feel like I am just faking it until I make it. The decisions that come with adulting are even harder because some of them have a significant impact on your life, but now all that pressure doesn't only fall on me. I have a life partner. I get to use two brains instead of one to make a life decision. We both see things from differently, and that makes for a more well-rounded choice.
5. A Life Partner
Mark 10: 8-9:
"...and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
God has put someone in my life I get to share everything with. This isn’t all good, because now the things that hurt him will hurt me and the things that cause him stress will stress me out because he means the world to me. But having someone to share your fears with, to share the happy moments with, or just someone to celebrate FRI-Yay with until we are old and wrinkly is worth it to me.
Overall, I would give being married a solid 4.00 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/ 5 stars.
Marriage is a lot better than I thought it would be (I was surprisingly shocked by how off I was). The reason why the Highs outweighed the Lows for me, was that all of the Lows are things that get better with time. We will eventually find a middle ground for most of our lows. The Highs are permanent. Some of them might shift with time and new Highs might be added to the list but the list I have now is enough to give Being Married a 4 out of 5 stars for the first month.
With Love + Gratefulness,